Dark Knight of the Soul
After my first Kundalini experience, I awoke to an indescribable level of fear, especially in the middle of the night.
I now recognize this as the beginning of my spiritual crisis, which included intense emotional and psychological unrest. Many people have had experiences far worse than mine, and if you find yourself in a similar situation, please seek advice from a spiritual teacher or therapist who understands Kundalini. It can often be misdiagnosed as anxiety or delusions, leading to unnecessary medication.
Fortunately, I had a supportive husband who was fascinated by my journey and worked with me to explore it. He would ask questions like, "Are you afraid someone will hurt you?" While the fear was deeply psychological, we added night lights throughout our house to help me feel more secure as I navigated the darkness during those anxious nights.
Throughout my adult life, I had been on a path of personal development, typically embracing positive psychology. However, this experience called me to dig deeper as my purpose and path began to unfold. The upheaval in my life was terrifying. Some friends naturally faded away as I shifted and changed my beliefs, and I became less willing to accept control from others. My tolerance for gossip, drama, and victimization diminished as my heart expanded, allowing me to feel a profound love for each day. Although I now understand that letting go of old habits and patterns is essential for growth, stepping away from familiarity is never comfortable.
As the fear and uncertainty transformed into moments of pure bliss within my body, I expressed gratitude for all the lessons I was learning. I remain humble as life gives me the daily changes necessary to find peace.
"Life is the Sadhana," said Aaron Abke, a spiritual teacher. He taught me that I don't need to seek out things to heal; daily life reveals the lessons, much like a game of whack-a-mole. Challenges arise; our role is to experience, process, heal, and grow.
I also appreciate Suzanne Giesemann's daily prayer: "May my lessons today be as painless as possible."
